I looked at the symptoms of schizophrenia, I have the delusional aspect - I thought I was in a movie, so I started acting in a certain way, or I thought other people could see through my eyes, so again, I acted in a certain way. It was in around january it went to the next level. In october I started drinking heavily because I hated myself, it's a bloody anti depressant, but for a few minutes, it felt easier. In the summer I began becoming a recluse I stayed in, I prefered not being with people, but I hated my own company, I didn't know who I was, and I still do not. I got pretty depressed, everyone could tell there was something wrong - this was for a month, maybe a bit longer, but I eventually shook it off. I began thinking more, and I saw the world unwrap around me, I thought how pointless living actually is. I first began thinking philosophically, mainly the questions that cannot be awnsered.

I know I should really get checked out, but i'm pretty much a coward, although for what it's worth, I may aswell go and do it. I've known there's something wrong with me mentally for, 2 and a half years now? It's just in the last 6 months that it's escalated. Please, read my story and tell me if this is depersonalization. Basically, i'm severely depressed, and I think depersonalization is a defense mechanism for this.

Depression depersonalization